Something I Never Had
by Death-to-the-tadpoleclowns
Summary: That was when she realized that Teddy had never been hers, not really. Disclaimer: I own nothing and WARNING THIS CONTAINS TEDDY/JAMES SLASH!


A/N: It's been a while since I've written anything but this popped into my head and I had to sit down and write it. Comments and criticism are welcome so please review!

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Victoire Weasley was like beauty personified, good genes she would joke when asked how she managed it. Her hair was like threaded sunlight and her eyes like clear blue crystals, she had slender build with curves in all the right places and soft delicate skin. When she walked by heads turned, jaws dropped, and wolf whistles were let loose but she had never paid them any mind, there was only one man that she had ever truly wanted – Teddy Lupin – and she had him…most of the time…

Teddy was clever, funny, caring, sweet, and all those other words that basically boiled down to _good_. He wasn't like those other guys who whistled and wet themselves whenever she walked by, no he was the type to simply smile when she walked in the room. He was also rather dishy, granted he was a Metamorphamagus and could change his looks at will, but he was still dishy. When he'd been younger –still in Hogwarts – he'd experimented with all kinds of looks, from geeky to dangerous, but what he had changed the most was his hair, he'd preferred bright obnoxious colors that annoyed the teachers and distracted the students. Lately though his eyes had settled for a warm honey color and his hair rarely changed from dirty blonde and if it did it was usually turquoise.

Victoire knew exactly why that was. It was because of James Potter, her little cousin – well he wasn't actually little but he hadn't gotten the Weasley height gene and was only about an inch or two taller than her so he was definitely on the smaller side of the family.

On James's seventeenth birthday, October 30th, the family had assembled at the Burrow as they always did for special occasions. All the kids still in Hogwarts were granted permission from the Headmistress to leave the grounds for the night so as to keep with tradition. Originally James had arrived at the Burrow in good spirits, accepting the hugs and kisses as he was passed around. It had almost surprised her at how grown up he looked, his dark brown hair was longer than before and his dark eyes seemed more intense like he could look at you and know all of your dark and dirty secrets.

It was when he finally reached Teddy that he'd become annoyed. Teddy's hair had been Gryffindor red and his eyes a shimmering gold and while everyone else laughed good naturedly James simply sighed. Teddy was soon whisked away to do party tricks for the younger kids and James had watched him go.

About an hour later Victoire leaned in to Teddy and whispered, "I'll distract the kids why don't you go hide upstairs?" and he had gratefully bolted. It took her nearly twenty minutes to escape after that she sighed in relief as she stumbled up the stairs checking rooms as she went to find Teddy.

Raised voices drew her attention to the top of the stairs where Uncle Ron's old room had been and she frowned as she hurried up to investigate. The door wasn't shut all the way and she easily peeked inside. It was Teddy and James.

"Why the hell do you degrade yourself like that?" James shouted, one arm flinging out to the side gesturing angrily at the door.

"Because everybody else wants me too!" Teddy yelled back throwing his arms in the air.

James scoffed, "Yeah well maybe you should stop caring about what everybody else says. Maybe for once in your life you should do what you want to do and stop hiding behind what_ everybody else wants_!" James finished by hurling a lamp at the floor and shattering it into a million little pieces.

"Right I should be like you James – do whatever the hell I want without caring about the consequences! I should live on the edge and end up vomiting behind a bar or nightclub and going home with whoever will take me!"

James lunged at Teddy and Victoire squeaked in fear, she'd never seen the two of them fight before, not even when they'd been little kids. James had the element of surprise but Teddy quickly gained the upper hand being bigger and heavier than James. They stumbled out of her limited line of sight but she could hear them hit a wall, or she could hear James hit the wall with a thud and what might have been a crack. Everything went quiet for a moment and Victoire really wanted to see what was happening but didn't dare move.

A few seconds later somebody gasped for air and then James said in a slightly breathy voice that was so very foreign to Victoire's ears, "I like the normal you."

Teddy sighed and might have taken a step back, Victoire couldn't really tell. "I didn't mean what I…"

"I know."

"Are we okay?" Teddy asked hopefully.

"After… _that… _No I don't think we are but we could be… If you want to that is."

Teddy was quiet for a moment before answering, "I do."

Teddy hadn't changed his hair for anyone after that, politely brushing them off with a smile whenever somebody asked.

The next thing Victoire noticed was how utterly happy Teddy was whenever James was around. It wasn't like his usual happy. It was fiercer, more… desperate, like the moments with James were fleeting and he had to enjoy them to their full potential.

At first Victoire brushed it aside, Teddy had simply missed James when he had been away at Hogwarts and was making up for lost time. Then Teddy blew her off.

It was Sunday and neither of them ever had work on Sundays so they'd started a sort of tradition Teddy would come over to her flat and they would pack a picnic and go to the grassy fields near the Burrow and just relax. They'd been doing it every Sunday for two years.

She assumed he was running a little late at first. Then very late. Then decided that maybe he'd gone straight to their picnic spot where she waited around for nearly an hour picking at the food she'd made until finally she decided to go and check his flat.

Victoire apparated into the kitchen and was immediately met by the sound of laughter. The laughter of Teddy and James. She poked her head out of the kitchen not sure if she should make herself known despite how angry she was. The thing about being a Weasley is that they have two very strong emotions, anger and curiosity. In this instance curiosity won out.

They were on the couch, James's legs dangling over one of the arms while he head rested in Teddy's lap. Victoire tired to lie to herself, saying that friends – no brothers – could sit that way, that it was ok that Teddy was idly stroking James's dark locks.

Their laughter slowly quieted and though she wished to know what it was they had been laughing about they drifted into a companionable silence.

"I've got an interview tomorrow." James said after what felt like an eternity.

Teddy's hand paused for a moment before he resumed his petting. "For what job?" The question felt loaded even to Victoire's ears, like James's decision determined something between them.

James swung his legs down and sat up so he could properly face Teddy. "Not a job," James said, "It's an interview to get into the Healer Academy… here in London."

A grin split Teddy's face and he yanked James into a tight hug. Relief seemed to wash over James as he hugged back, burying his face in Teddy's shoulder. "Don't get too excited." James said pulling away, "I'm not in yet and if I do get in I'll be extremely busy so…"

"I know." Teddy said and Victoire wondered what James's other options had been. Then she remembered that James had been scouted by several professional Quidditch teams, remembered Aunt Ginny talking about an internship for a prestigious company in Greece, and Uncle Harry boasting about how his son had scored the top grade in the Auror Academy acceptance test.

So what made James want to be a Healer all of a sudden? Was it because Teddy was a Healer?

Teddy pulled James in for another hug and Victoire left.

After that Teddy seemed to grow distant and agitated. Sunday picnics were done with, dates seemed out of the question, and Victoire might as well forget touching him in anyway because all he did was pull away from her. James though, James could do whatever he wanted with Teddy.

This was not acceptable. Victoire was supposed to be Teddy's girlfriend! They had been dating for seven years! James does not get to graduate from Hogwarts and take everything away from her!

Victoire flooed into James's flat, one his parents had bought for him, ready to tell him to back off Teddy was hers. Noises were coming from the kitchen and Victoire stormed over to the entrance ready to pitch a fit. She stopped dead in her tracks, shock draining the color from her face. James was sitting on the kitchen counter, Teddy standing between his jean clad legs hands resting on his hips, and they were kissing, except kissing seemed like such a childish word. Their movements were deliberate and they seemed perfectly in sync with one another.

James's hand came up to rest against the side of Teddy's face and Teddy's arms circled tightly around the smaller mans waist and a small moan drifted from James's throat. Every movement, every touch, every sound seemed to be laced with… love.

Victoire had never been kissed like that but oh how she wanted to be. How she wished that it was her perched on that counter instead of James. How she wished that this was just a bad dream that it wasn't real, that Teddy was hers…

That was when she realized that Teddy had never been hers, not really.

Tears blurred her vision of the two men and she stepped back, then quietly as possible she fled from the flat. Victoire wandered around London aimlessly for hours on end. Night fell but still she walked. Victoire knew what she had to do but it hurt to even think about it. It was like her heart was being slowly carved from her chest. She loved Teddy, Merlin knew she did, but he didn't love her at least not anymore. She was sure he had at some point, in the beginning when they had been snoging on Platform 9 ¾ he had so… but even that moment had been ruined by James.

It was nearly midnight by the time she apparated into Teddy's flat. He was awake, sitting in his kitchen nursing a cup of Earl Grey tea. He looked up when she walked in and watched her take a seat across from him. "Would you like some tea?" He asked warily.

Victoire shook her head, "No Teddy… I think we… need to talk." Her voice was only slightly unsteady and she wasn't crying any more.

Teddy looked down at his tea, "Yeah, I think you're right."

"I know about you and James." Teddy winced and glanced sheepishly at her through his bangs. "And I'm… well I can't say I'm not mad, because I'm furious but… I also can't hold on to something that I never really had. I can't hold on to you and hope that you'll change your mind when I know you never will." Teddy looked at her fully, he was confused, she could see that. He was expecting to be yelled at, brutalized and degraded and Victoire had wanted to do all of those things but she just… couldn't. "You love him." She whispered.

"Yeah, I really do." Teddy said just as quietly.

Victoire stood up slowly. "Then I wish the both of you the best."

She turned to leave but paused in the doorway as Teddy stood up too and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you." He said. "And I am sorry."

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A/N: Review because Death loves You!


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